I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
