if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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