I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
