Got a toothbrush?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
