you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
