Well apparently he's into motor boating.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
