There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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