you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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