are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
