He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
