I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
