Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
