I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize