I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
