I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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