Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
