why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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