Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
