im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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