sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
