i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
