Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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