so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
