We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
