Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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