Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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