i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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