There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
