new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
