About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
