I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
