Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
