There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
