Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
