Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it glows. i had to have it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
