rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
