KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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