so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am naked and annoyed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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