I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize