i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The air taste purple.
Randomize
