you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is Oprah even human
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
