hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
