dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
