I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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