so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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