She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
