Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
