my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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