i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
