So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
