i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize