lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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