She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
