we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
