i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i now understand why vodka
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
