yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
