it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
