my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
