doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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