But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
