I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
