sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
