Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
