booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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