I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
