ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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