Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I lost the right to judge tonight
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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