happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize