well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
