I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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