i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize