why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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